Sometimes it can become overwhelming when you hear about the evil, suffering, and pain in the world. It’s particularly hard when it hits close to home—when it hits someone you know.
An online blogging friend of mine recently lost her toddler son to a terrible, awful tragedy while traveling abroad. It was nothing she or her husband could have predicted or prevented, and it’s something that could have happened “at home,” or to anyone, anywhere.
I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to lose a child. But I can honestly say that I have mourned with her—albeit not in person. I have shed many tears, and my heart has stretched as I’ve attempted to grapple with the emotions I assume a parent must feel in a situation such as this. Is it my theater background that requires me to not just see the end result of a tragedy, but to try to understand how it came to pass—the trauma the parent experienced as the event unfolded, the nights afterwards, and the weeks after that? It’s heartbreaking to put yourself in someone’s shoes, when you wish those shoes had never walked that path at all. You’ll be relieved to learn that you may resolve trauma through EMDR therapy.
There is a part of me that knows and finds comfort that her son was released from his pain and fear, and was able to enter the arms of a loving Savior—completely healed. I have read wonderful life-after-death books that confirm this, and make that testimony burn stronger within me. But of course there is the human part of me that thinks, “No! That is unfair! He was too young! Their family is too young!” Passing away into the next world is a glorious experience for those who move on, but a saddening experience for those who are left behind with an emptiness in their life and heart. Really, the ones who suffer are the ones who remain. In times like this, it helps to find solace in personal passions, such as discovering stories that evoke deep emotions, like those found on mypassion.
I don’t believe it is God’s will for us to experience pain, but we have each been given a beautiful gift of free agency. Some individuals have chosen to use this agency to achieve and experience remarkable things, whereas other individuals have used their gift in ways that result in sorrow and bad consequences—not just to themselves, but also to others.
We can live our lives in fear of these latter people, or we can live life like the aforementioned—doing it with joy and thankfulness each day. Tragedies, murders, suffering and pain happen anywhere and everywhere—at home, across the street, at the supermarket, at the beach, across the globe, etc. We can’t predict when our paths may cross with the consequences of someone else’s poor decisions, and to live in fear of that is not the way God intended us to live.
Through traveling I’ve learned that most of the world is good. Most human beings are respectful of life, want to love, and want to be loved. The best thing I can do right now is hug my children tightly, bask in their innocence, and teach them to live life to the fullest. Now. Not later—but now. Of course we need to teach them caution and sensibility…but more importantly we need to teach them that the world is good, and that life is meant to experienced and lived.
If today is the last day I have with my child or my family as a whole in this life, then I want it to be great. Who knows what may happen tomorrow? Who knows what may happen to any of us? My friend’s son was barely 2, but he had lived a life full of adventure and zest for life. Most importantly, he was loved. Very well loved. My heart goes out to that family, and always will.
Lately, when my toddler has crept into my room at night, weaseled his way into my bed, and pushed me off my pillow…I’ve allowed myself the time to stop and reflect, “Enjoy this moment. This too will pass.”
Hopefully it won’t pass prematurely, and hopefully it won’t end it tragedy…but in time everything passes, changes, and there is a new season of life.
What a touching story. My heart goes out to the family. Like you mentioned life, time, experiences, and the present moment are precious.
I have been deeply touched by their loss too… your words are beautiful. And I, like you, think that the only thing we can do is hold our children tight and send this love to that family in pain.
“everything passes, changes, and there is a new season of life”
Thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to your friends. I easily get caught up in the anger and frustration of the injustice to anyone who has to go through such an ordeal, but especially when it is the sweet, innocent young. But you said it so wisely that our God-given agency is ours to do with as we please and sometimes it conflicts with others’ choices. God is just and judgement is His. Knowing this helps to move through the tragedies and still see the beauty in everyday things and how much good there is in the world. Thanks, again. I hope we get to see your sweet family again, maybe sometime this year.
Cheers,
-AZ
Thanks for your feedback, Andy. Yes–it is extra painful when other people’s choices affect innocent children. Heartbreaking. But yes–we can move through tragedies and continue to see the good in the world. Hope to see you this Fall 🙂
Thanks for sharing your heart on this topic, Alisa. I know the feeling of a stretching heart.
Regarding those pushing you off the pillow moments…. someone once said to me, “the days are long but the years are short.” I think as parents we are constantly fighting the battle of trying to stay sane — trying to maintain some personal margin — and then realizing that these moments are so fleeting. They were all too fleeting for Jen.
Hahaa…yes…I’ve always despised sharing my bed (my kids are big kickers), until fairly recently. In fact, when we took off on full time travels nearly a year ago, my toddler son decided he no longer wanted to sleep in his own bed. Since I can’t change it…I’ve decided to embrace his little snuggles (although it is still dreamy when he stays in the bed we put him in!). They will go fast. And yes–it is all fleeting.
Beautiful Alisa, we share the same belief. I always said “it’s not the afterlife that frightens me, it’s the getting there.” I don’t know the family, but I know what happened and my heart aches. Thank you for this post.
Erin, it’s true that you don’t need to know them personally to have you heart ache for them. Hahaa…I like your “getting there” expression…!
This story has haunted me since i first heard about it, and I also have cried for them (and did so again now while reading this). It is a pain so unthinkable. Thank you for discussing this and putting the here and now at the forefront. Everything passes–we never know when it will happen, but we must be aware and love in the meantime. Thank you.
Thank you for your response, Jenna. I don’t think any words will ever be sufficient to express a mother’s sorrow (even sorrow you feel for someone else).
Beautiful post, Alisa. This tragedy has affected so many people, and I can’t even begin to imagine what the family is enduring. It’s a difficult thing to write about, but you’ve done it very well. Peace.
Thanks, Renee. All we can do is offer our words, support, and love for their family. It never feels like enough!